I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
