And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
