im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
