how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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