so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
