So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
