I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
