ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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