Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
