I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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