I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
