I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
