You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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