Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
