the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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