I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
only if we run a train.
done.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
