she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
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So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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