I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
