u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
