you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
