You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
