God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize