Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
