Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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