I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize