She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
