Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
