He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
