Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
