Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
