Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
