i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
