I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
