Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My ass is underappreciated
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
