I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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