fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
