Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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