i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
