Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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