...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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