he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Found the puke drawer
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
