which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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