You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
