So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize