Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
