Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
