you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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