My nipple is on Facebook.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
