If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
