Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
