Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
