you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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