Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
