like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
