Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am midnight drunk by noon
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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