Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool

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(212): View more from New York

her vagina looked like bernie madoff

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(416): View more from Ontario

you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

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(440): View more from Ohio

Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue

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(360): View more from Washington

Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"

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(402): View more from Nebraska

NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

It is literally 8 in the morning.

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(+58): View more from

James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.

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(214): View more from Texas

Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...

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