she was so not down for the gang bang
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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