he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
