brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
