I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize