I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
