everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
