did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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