1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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