So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
