someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she smelled like a LAN party
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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