She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
