I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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