i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
