thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
