so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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