My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
