The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
