I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
