We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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