you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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