just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
