Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
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My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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