I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
