She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
