the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
