Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize