At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
