i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
