and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
