You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize