You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
