So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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