She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus