Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
