Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.