I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.